a how-to-write essay series by Ava Clary. Updated April 2022
The awkwardness of ‘awkward’ words
Often when I critique something, I write the phrase ‘awkward’ or ‘awkward word’. What do I mean by that? Where did I pick that up from?
Perhaps I don’t like the syntax of this sentence, or I don’t like the word chosen. It doesn’t tell me anything. It’s too blah.
It’s awkward to explain ‘awkward’.
Writers often talk about sensory detail. What do they mean?
Early on, I remember asking for advice at a writer’s convention. It sometimes felt like my descriptions would be lists. I described a person this way: hair, check; skin color, check; voice sounds like…, the body type …, and the clothes worn from top to bottom. That is what my character looks like.
Boring. Dull.
They’re important details, but not like this. I still sometimes fall into this trap. So, how do you describe someone? Don’t limit yourself. Choose descriptions that aren’t just visual.
Tip # 1 Use multiple sensations
The best descriptions can evoke multiple senses: you hear it and see it. You smell it and taste it. Have you heard of synesthesia? A condition where colors and music, and other sensations interconnect. You perceive letters as certain specific colors. Music can smell or taste.
I think writers need to evoke this in their readers.
However, I am not a synesthete, even when I took a test at Synesthesia.com. I wasn’t able to meditate to the music and have colors appear in my head. Numbers and months do not have a color attached to them. Not for me.
The website talks about ‘seeing’ music, and all I can picture is Disney’s Fantasia and the bizarre abstract animations from the intermission. (More about synesthesia, there’s the book Wednesday is Indigo Blue by David Eagleman and Richard Cytowic.)
Tip #2 Switch up your verbs and adjectives
The second tip I have, after you figure out these sensory details, is to make sure you change up your language. Use verbs in your description, not just adjectives. When it comes to adjectives, mix them up. Quick, pull out a thesaurus. (How many do you own? I own two or three – okay, four – fine, I have five different thesauruses.)
One of mine is The Describer’s Dictionary by David Grambs. The book’s layout is unusual. It isn’t just lists of words and their alternates. Instead, it features quotes, examples of good descriptions, and then the chapter ends with descriptive words and their synonyms.
It offers a more sophisticated or literary way of saying something. ‘A clump of grass’ becomes a ‘tussock’. The surface of an object that’s ‘ wet and yielding’ use these words to describe it: ‘spongy, pulpy, mushy, squishy, oozy’.
- wet moss
- spongy moss
- squishy moss
Which one do you like better?
In the section on Voices, Grambs’ book lists a “loud and irritating” voice as “sharp, grating, harsh, piercing, brassy, screechy, ear-splitting. All excellent for descriptive writing, choose only one now.
Tip #3 Don’t forget Your Perspective
Now, let’s consider perspective. If you’re describing the setting of your scene, consider the character’s point of view. Are they poor? Are they rich? What does a farmer notice when he looks at a pasture? What about a rich city girl stuck in the middle of the same pasture?
Now, how are they feeling? Are they in a bad mood? Is everything darker and more annoying? What are they doing in the scene? Can you make the descriptions active? Create movement?
Nothing breaks me out of a story faster than when you break this rule. I read a historical fiction, and a nine-year-old peasant was describing the Lord’s manor house and architecture in precise detail. Nope. Not going to happen.
You have to think of the character.
Let’s go back to the farm, and the entitled Rich girl.
Let’s go even deeper into the scene. How is the boy feeling? Is he embarrassed to serve tea to the Princess in a chipped cup, using old tea leaves that barely have any scent in them?
If this is from the Rich Girl’s point of view, does she wrinkle her nose at the dirt floor and plug her nose at the smell of pigs’ feet? But wait, maybe she’s secretly in love with the farm boy and pretends the smells don’t bother her, even though her eyes are watering.
Here are three tips for Descriptive writing
- Think like a synthesist. Sensory details need adjectives and verbs that make you see and hear, and smell all together. “The rain sloshed against the tin house.” Can you see and hear that?
- Use verbs. Put actions into your descriptions. (“She skipped across the wet aluminum, feet skidding along like an ice skater.”) Remember the thesaurus is your friend!
- Consider your character’s point of view. Who are they? How do they look at the scene? Do their mood or actions, or desires affect the description?
Whether you use these tips for character description or setting, I hope you can avoid making those ‘awkward’ phrases. Writing is all about the words. Words. Words. Words.
Do you obsess about words too? Do you consider them carefully, then change them over and over until you find the right one? Or are you a sloppy writer? Are you someone who writes the first word that comes to mind? Or are you a repeat offender? Do you write two or three words when you only need one?
Me? I’m guilty of all three. Sometimes in the same paragraph.
Disney photo credit: Flickr.com