Ava Clary

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Artist’s Way Week 11: Breaking through the walls

artist and the wall

Welcome to week 11, the second to last week of the Artist’s Way. 

I say that’s as if it is coming to an end, but it’s just the beginning of the end. Last week was a confession, of sorts. I spoke so eagerly of what I binge on, the comfort food I turn to when I am avoiding my artist self. When I can’t face reality, I go for the mindless entertainment: my anime, manga, manhwa, webtoons and reading books like they’re a movie (meaning I read them in one sitting, sometimes standing, all at once, and until 2 am if necessary!)

Let’s discuss the week.

I feel there is a wall in my life looming in front of me. June 23rd. My surgery.

I can’t know what is beyond this wall. I was diagnosed with ovarian cysts and fibroids. They’ve grown big enough to squish parts of my colon and my ovaries and fill up my pelvis. In order to remove them, I must have surgery and there are always risks with open surgery. The outcome of the surgery is uncertain. My doctor had to write a flowchart to help explain what may happen. It is all very quantum if you ask me and I was going to be clever and talk about the uncertainty principle — because it feels like it applies to more than just quantum mechanics, but all of life. But I haven’t really had the time. (If you still want to know what its about the here’s the TED talk on it.)

Why don’t I have time to explain quantum mechanics and how they relate to writing?

Well, I made a break through.

Artist punching down the wall


I’ve been busy writing. The other wall in my life — the blocked part of my creative life. I smashed my way through it. I had fun writing this weekend. Now I desperately want to know how the story goes. The surgery deadline approaches and it spurned me into action.

So, let’s get this posted and back to the fun.

Artist is too busy to make blog posts.

Week Eleven, checking in:  

Morning pages:  Most days, except the one day I gave up and another day I just plain skipped because I needed more rest. I am listening closely to my body’s needs and rest is so important. After suffering from terrible insomnia a few weeks ago, before they scheduled my surgery, I need to rest as much as I can. I recommend these techniques to anyone struggling with sleep. Especially the tip five about using the word ‘the’ constantly. Just try to tell yourself a story using ‘the’ every other word. It is very boring. The dog. The cat. The race. The start. The pigeons. The track. The waiting. The anticipation. Have you fallen asleep yet reading this? Its very effective.)

Artist Date: I played with threads! I’ve been wanting to do this for weeks. I didn’t have pins and had to improvise. It came out looking like a thread boat. Squint and you can see it.

Thread art entilted: The Boat.

Moments of synchronicity: I got the Doctor’s appointments I needed in record time. I appreciate all the schedulers and nurses who made this happen so quickly. Everyone has been very supportive.

Other breakthroughs or significant insights: I wrote for fun all day Saturday. It was only after I gave up needing to read comics so much. I still have the impulse to read them, or surf around YouTube videos without any purpose, but I recognized the impulse and stepped away as needed. 

The Artist’s Way has talked about being a blocked artist for weeks now. I don’t always address it, but I have literally been blocked for a long time. My insides are blocked up and only now, during week 12, will I be free of this literal blockage and can focus my energy on recovery. And then focus on being my true creative self.

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