This is week eight. I am following the Artist Way, and post a weekly reflection about Julia Cameron’s book, the Artist’s Way. Read about week seven and the shocking lack of risk in my life. AND If you want to know more about the Artist’s Way start here with my week one.

I’ve been close to a breakthrough for weeks now. I could feel it.

This entire week I also felt so emotionally volatile.

I was in over my head.

Cameron mentioned a tendency in artists toward being dramatic. Oh boy, how did I never notice this about myself? She claims, “Most blocked creatives have an active addition to anxiety. We prefer low grade pain and the occasional heart-stopping panic attack to the drudgery of small and simple daily steps in the right direction.” 

Yep.

That checks out.

I wrote this long, detailed analysis for the week called “the death of dreams”. Seriously?

Yes, seriously, I called it the death of dreams!

But I changed my mind. This week was about dreams, but also about taking action. One small action right now. Especially if you want to achieve your dreams; whatever that means: doing the art you want to see, writing the stories you want to read, making the games you want to play. So, guess what I did this week? Exactly. I played. I read. I wrote. I planned. I was following the artist’s way.

Yet it made me feel guilty. How could I be having so much fun? Was this allowed? I couldn’t celebrate yet. From the very beginning, I’ve felt like I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m doing it wrong, but I wasn’t. I was doing it exactly right.

Why did I ever question myself before?

The only part of the old post I’m keeping is this part about affirmations. 

Affirmations to the rescue

There is a sweet, poignant and romantic web comic I recommend called Spirit Fingers, about a young artist named Amy coming into her own. It is a story about “seeking your true colors” and takes place among a group of croquis artists. One artist tells Amy she must be confident before she can become beautiful. “No matter what they say. Always believe you’re the best of the best.”  And then she tells Amy. “From today onward you are to shout ‘I am beautiful’ 3 times before bed.” It is in chapter 15, and by chapter 17 Amy slowly begins to do the affirmations, despite her reluctance. This is how affirmations work. They are strange, but they rework your brain.

Let’s do this! Time to check in!

Week eight, checking in: 

Morning pages: I’m still writing them. Yes, I am ready to quit them.

But… then I wake up and I’m in a terrible mood and I’m thinking terrible negative, abusive thoughts toward myself. Where else but in the morning pages can I put these — to remove them from my head?

Artist Date: I played games this week. I designed a castle and dressed up my character. I time traveled! And then I started playing an old favorite and imagined how I’d adapt it to a comic form. It was pure fun! I didn’t realize at first it was an artist’s date. I thought I had to be artistic, artsy, craftsy, poetic or clever. But you don’t have to that, just have some silly fun. SO I did.

Moments of synchronicity: Nothing in particular. But maybe I just didn’t notice them.

Other breakthroughs or significant insights: Where do I start? I’m not sure anymore if it happened because it was the end of week 8, or because it was the beginning of week 9, but something clicked. I told my sister the Artist’s Way is my new way of life. I really believed that today. I’m not the fastest writer. Not the most prolific. I get anxious at times, but ultimately I keep moving forward. I want to write books, and publish them every year. Year after year. That’s my dream.

Another insight I had was when I realized this week was about time management! At first I felt tricked that it was just about dreams – how it’s never too late, or too early to start pursuing them, and how sometimes you have to take time to mourn your artistic losses. But there was a task this week where Cameron provided a concrete plan. You strategize and make a 5 year, a 3 year  and a 1 year plan, then it break down into monthly and weekly goals. You take action every day. Sure you’re following a schedule, but you do this because you love it. Yep, I’m getting ahead of myself – dipping into week 9, but here we are. Today is when I made that oh so wonderful breakthrough that I’ve been waiting for. I’m having so much fun!

I hope you continue to join me. I hope if you’re reading this, and you’ve started following the Artist’s Way share how its going in the comments. I’d love to hear.