Life before the artist way: sleeping in, guilty, writing inconsistently, guilty again. I would get so frustrated. Why can’t I write more? There’d be occasional inspiration charged sessions. See, I’d tell myself. I can do this. Then days later. Nope, no I can’t. So much uncertainty about myself, my work. And yet always with this nagging feeling I needed to change.

Life during: Am I really doing this? I’m doing this! AHH! Waking up early for morning pages everyday is crazy. I’m so busy. Why is life so hectic all of a sudden? Mountains of guilt over the lack of artist dates in my life. But wow. This is fun. Is this changing my life? Yes, yes it is.

Life after: Immediately afterward, I felt relief. Phew I’m done. It’s over. I can do what I want now. Guilt returned. I fell back into old habits, when I knew better. But there was a big difference this time. I could recognize when I am hurting my artist self. I knew what was happening. I was blocked and hurt. I was being mean to my artist self. This meant I needed to change again. I needed to find love in my life, for her and for me. No time for sabotage! I had another Aha moment recently.

So, how did I survive as an artist before? I bumbled along. I was in denial about my artist self. I never would have claimed I was an artist.

Now I am.

I draw. Mostly I do pen and ink landscapes. 

Sometimes colored landscapes.

I am a graphic designer who makes parking signs at work. I’ve learned Blender and made this 3D donut and this dramatic scene of a book, Fairy Doctor in Disguise.

(It’s a render of a 3D book, but I also wrote the book called Fairy Doctor in Disguise and there are actual physical copies available in the world.)

I have plans for more Blender studies, more art studies and character designs. (I experimented with AI generated characters recently to make a book cover.) But I have gotten distracted by my writing. For a long time, I would sabotage myself. (I still do this, but I am improving. First step is recognition. Step two I take a step back for half a day. What can I do to recharge right now, so I will feel motivated later? Or else, I tell myself, to start again tomorrow, and shake off that feeling of overwhelming guilt. Progress is made day by day.)

Morning pages became my game changer. 

At first, I would scribble nonsense in them. I whined and complained about my life and how I slept last night. I got in the habit of going over the same few details. It was disappointing.

Then, I was talking with a friend and fellow artist-writer. She was telling me how she had gotten into a habit of writing 4-5 days a week. It was beautiful to hear, heartwarming and made me jealous (in a good way) I wanted to emulate her. 

I started looking into habits vs routines. What was the difference? A habit you do automatically, it feels natural and you don’t even think about it. You wash your hands after you use the bathroom because it’s a habit. You lock the door as you leave the house, because it’s a habit. You do it without thinking. I wanted writing to be that way. You do it because you love it and you don’t even question why you do it anymore. You sit down everyday or almost every day (4-5 days a week sounds about right, doesn’t it?) And you write because you want to.

A routine is planned out. I have a bedtime routine where I close the curtains, say goodnight to my plants and then brush my teeth and maybe a little self-care, stretching, brush my hair, or put vitamin E oil on my scars. I get out the lavender essential oil and spray my pillow. Then I settle into bed and this usually knocks me out pretty quickly. (Not always, sometimes I’ve had caffeine too late in the day, or I didn’t exercise enough, or I am anxious and my thoughts swirl restlessly.) 

The routine helps me get to sleep. Because its a routine, I don’t always follow it, but it helps if I do. There are habits within the routine, like closing the curtains and brushing my teeth.

So, I needed to start with a writing routine and let it turn into a habit.

Then, I realized, I had a routine. Every morning I’d wake up do my stretches and then write morning pages. I had the routine established, but instead of journaling stuff about my life, I’ve started writing a Vella story called The Thorn Path, which you can read right now. It came out of nowhere, but why not? It was just a half hour before work, but that adds up. I’m practicing what I love. (Eventually, I’ve have a book written and I’ll have practiced posting weekly episodes. And because I’m doing something I love, that makes a world of difference in motivation.) 

The Artist Way by Julia Cameron taught me how to live like this. Sometimes that’s still hard. I still lose confidence. I become disappointed by my lack of progress. I get sloppy about my routines, and I play Zelda late into the night. But right now my writing is going well. I hope to report that in another month its still going well and that I write 4-5 days a week.

Links to the entire journey:

Week 1 Beginnings

Week 2 Recovery

Week 3 Rambling

Week 4, the week of no Reading, or the week I went crazy

Week 5 Wishing

Week 6 the Way Forward

Week 7 Taking Risks

Week 8 Ready Set Go!

Week 9 Finding Directions

Week 10 How to be more creative?

Week 11 Breaking Through Walls

Week 12 And Beyond

It really was amazing journey last year. I started with just a small idea. I wanted to be more motivated as a writer. By the end of the 12 weeks, I had survived weeks of hospital visits and a surgery to save my life. 

Do you have a writing routine you want to share. Mornings? Evenings? Twenty minutes at lunch? Which work best for you?